JASON HAWK HARRIS

DEBUT ALBUM “LOVE AND THE DARK”
AVAILABLE 08•23•2019

LYRICS - LOVE AND THE DARK

THE SMOKE AND THE STARS

I don’t like how they stare.
I don’t like them at all;
My yellow-eyed daughters,
My cold-blooded sons,
Or the forks in their tongues.
Tell me, how was I supposed to know
That they’d latch on to me,
And never let go?
I never fight. I don’t know why.
It’s been such a long time.

But I hear you calling my name
I know you’re driving my way
Bring me the light; a man needs to see
And baby, please, get these things off of me.

Standing with all I got left
When I see that door open,
And watch you walk in.
They shrivel and hiss
At the grace in your step
That was something to see.
Then they all turn into fire balls,
roll to the corner, and burn up the walls.
Now it’s just us, with the smoke and the stars
Holding hands in the dark.

And I said here you are, my love.
Maybe I was just waiting for you
To get through the grapevine,
Tear down that door, and let me live
In those green eyes of yours.

CUSSING AT THE LIGHT

Well I think it’s about time I had a drink,
From the gin I keep wrapped up under my sink.
I’m probably gonna have more than a few,
’Cause when I feel this low that’s what I do.

It’s what I do, when the daylight beats me down,
It’s what I do, every time I see you walking around.
I been cussing at the light, I can’t wait until it’s night,
When I can medicate this beat down heart of mine.

This heart of mine…

Well I never had a hangover I liked.
It don’t matter if it’s vodka or red wine.
Who knows if I shall ever be released,
But if I drink enough at least I sleep.

And I’ll dream of you, and you coming back around,
I’ll dream of you, wake up mad, and try to knock the cobwebs out.
I’ve been cussing at the light, I’m always waiting for the night,
When I can medicate this beat down heart of mine.

This heart of mine…

Baby, tell me, was it really for the best?
If I’m blacked out at some party trying to fill the hole you left.
One day I’ll be fine, I’ll forget you in good time,
For now I’ll medicate this beat down heart of mine.

And keep cussing at the light,
Count the hours until it’s night,
When I can medicate this beat down heart of mine.

CONFUSED

Someone told me once that I should get myself together
There’s no need to rush the old “I Do”
And how foolish they would feel speaking in such platitudes,
If they had to do so standing next to you.

Honey, I don’t have it down, but ain’t that kind of nice?
no one likes to be around a know-it-all
Certainty, uncertainty, learning greek between our sheets
Evolution, Holy Ghosts, and entropy.

I’m confused. Yeah, it’s true,
But what’s that got to do with me and you?
Why can’t I be in love and be confused.

Honey I can’t walk their line, that alabaster spine,
Fragile, pearly-white and crystalline
See, I got fire in my bones, I got no fear of the unknown,
I got no time to bother keeping up with Jones.

I’m confused. Yeah, it’s true,
But what’s that got to do with me and you?
Why can’t I be in love and be confused.

Someone told me once that I should make a little money,
Before I rush to put a ring on you.
Like a bank account could teach me, what grief and God ain’t taught me.
An IRA just gives me more to lose.

They say the more you learn,
the more you just don’t know
So tell me, what the hell are we doing here?
I got a little faith and a little doubt,
But that don’t mean we can’t make out
With the cosmic music of the unknown in our ears.

I’m confused. Yeah, it’s true,
But what’s that got to do with me and you?
Why can’t I be in love and be confused.

GIVING IN

Liquor store cashier knows my name
Calls it out to ask me if I’m doing okay.
Throw a twenty at him, he can keep the change
But I gotta get this Bulleit from the bottle to my brain
If I had a needle I would put it in my veins.
I gotta wife, works so damn hard.
She makes the money while I spend it in the dark
She cries at home while I cry in the car 
And I try not to wake her when I get home from the bar
We sleep so close but she feels so far.

Babe I don’t wanna do it again
But I can’t stop myself from giving in.
I wish that where I am was where I’ve been.

Babe it ain’t easy it’s a hell of a fight
To argue with a demon almost every single night
Silver tongue got me thinking he’s alright
So I get real drunk while he checks the time
On double vodkas with a little lime.

Babe I don’t wanna do it again
But I can’t stop myself from giving in.
I wish that where I am was where I’ve been.

You and I starting not to work at all
So today I’m trying to stay away from alcohol
I’m sweating and it feels like my heads on wrong
Hands are gettin’ shaky; it’s my own damn fault.
If you wanna leave, well… that’s my own damn fault.
When you’re gone, I’ll remember your eyes
How they sparkle like rain in a sunny sky
Just when I think you’re little heart is set
I can feel your hand on my shaking chest
Open up my eyes and your cheeks are wet
You’re asking God above for a little rest
Once upon a time I wasn’t such a mess.

Babe I don’t wanna do it again
But I can’t stop myself from giving in.
I wish that where I am was where I’ve been.

PHANTOM LIMB

I got this shirt,
Smells like the viewing:
Formaldehyde,
tobacco and tulips.
I’ve washed it ten times,
And it won’t come out.
No matter how long it’s been,
I can’t forget.
I smell it right now,
And it won’t come out.

It’s coming in waves, 
It’s numb in between
When I’m not crying
I can’t feel a thing.
And the air gets so then,
I breathe what I can
Then blow out the smoke,
That laughs as it floats
And waves like a flag.
I wish you’d come back.

I feel your fingers
Comb through my hair
Open my eyes
And there’s no one there. 
Then I feel the weight
Of a phantom limb.
I call out to you,
But you don’t say shit
And I’m crying again.
Mother, you’re dead.

I’M AFRAID

When I was young I prayed that he would let me be.
Mother hung his picture on my wall and prayed I would believe.
She’d kiss my sweaty forehead, then turn out all the lights.
No monster ever scared me like the face of Jesus Christ.

But I listened to the promises and I came to know the Lord,
And I got pain and I got suffering, but I don’t know what for.
When I talk to Jesus, I’m gonna ask him to his face:
Why’d you make this shit so hard, Lord? It feels like I’ve been played.

Oh, that grace; Oh, that sound;
Oh, that hound that hunts me down.
Tracking down your prey while I dream of endless days.
I’m afraid… Lord, I’m afraid.

Nothing much has changed in twenty-something years
And when I hear that awful howling, I cover both my ears.
I’ve learned to pay attention, so I can feel him getting close.
Buddy, you can’t be too careful when it comes to Holy Ghosts.

One day I was walking, when a funny thing occurred.
Saw my self across the street talking to a mockingbird.
I started walking over, but I should’ve looked both ways.
They had to peel my body off an old blue Chevrolet.

Oh, that grace; Oh, that sound;
Oh, that hound that hunts me down.
Tracking down your prey while I dream of endless days.
I’m afraid… Lord, I’m afraid.

Well I woke up in a daze and I thought I was alone,
Then I looked to my right and saw an angel from the Lord.
He was eating something, when he smiled right at me.
Picked me up like I weighed nothing. Man, I could not say a thing.

No bone of mine was broken, and my eyes could plainly see.
I stood on both my legs and wondered how this all could be.
And he said, “Do you have your answer?” I said, “Yes I think I do.”
Then he said, “Get down to that river, boy. St. Michael’s moving through.

Oh, that grace; Oh, that sound;
Oh, that hound that hunts me down.
Tracking down your prey while I dream of endless days.
I’m afraid… Lord, I’m afraid.

BLESSED INTERRUPTION

When they lower her down
(In a clockwise motion, now)
It can’t be too slow
And it can’t be too fast.
Please thank them
For being so strong.
A note on the plot:
(My father had a thought)
If they buy two
(He asked me to ask you),
Could they be on that hill
by the range?

I need a blessed interruption.
I need a blessed interruption.
I need a blessed interruption.

Who’s gonna speak
While I scream?
Who’ll give the eulogy?
There’s so much to do
And there’s pictures of you
And the hair on my neck
Is on end. 
There’s flowers
To pick out.
Gotta make sure
The church has good sound
Will there be a wake
For the family’s sake?
Will we all sing
’Amazing Grace’?

I need a blessed interruption.
I need a blessed interruption.
I need a blessed interruption.

Girl there you are, laying there waiting for me
To see what it was I’ve been missing 
Good woman, let me in to those eyes
Good woman, let me tell you my mind
Good woman, give me some of that fire. 

That’s when I knew
(Dying in the light of our limbs)
Lithe and ill-clothed,
Champagne laugh
In hushed tones
You’ll never leave me here
All on my own.

You are my blessed interruption.
You are my blessed interruption.
You are my blessed interruption.

RED ROOM BLUES

Your hand’s up my sleeve
I’m shaking at the touch of acrylic and glaze
Pull out a nightmare
Give them to the kids like they’re milky ways.
Sell them to their parents in a silky paste.

I may not do what you want me to 
When auctioneers are calling out the nightly news
They put me in the corner ‘cause I’m legal to use.

Can’t do this without you, babe.
Abuse me baby, use me baby, tell your truth
Seeing’s believing
Bathe me in acidity and hang me up, 
Hang me like Antigone til I wake up.

But I may not do what you want me to 
When auctioneers are calling out the nightly news
They put me in the corner ‘cause I’m legal to use.

I got them red room blues,
I am raised from the dead I got a lot to do
Gimme my crown, dummy.

I’m here, and I’m gonna make the people bow.
Watch the godless and the goodies tear each other down.
I can hear the chomping jowls, (Bitch, I LOVE that sound!)
I’m here and I’m gonna burn the whole thing down.

They won’t see me laughing with their cameras out.
They won’t see you crying with their cameras out.

GRANDFATHER

Grandfather, my mind is a blur. 
It’s like I’ve been here a while or I’ve just now arrived.
The water here’s nice and the wind is so fine.
Have I been here a while? Or did I just arrive?
Grandfather, you have not said a word.
That is so unlike you.
But it’s clear from your smile you know something so good
Something I don’t know but something I should
Grandfather, why haven’t you said a word?

Grandfather, your hair has grown back
And you’ve got a beard
Your wrinkles are gone and your eyes are like iron
I’m watching you smile as I figure this out
This beautiful place we always talked about
Grandfather, I think my mother’s here too
Is her suffering through?
I am shaking just thinking of seeing her new, 
Freed from that dark room that’s held her since youth
Grandfather, tell me my mother’s here too.

“Listen close, can you hear that grandson? Death is undone. 
Here the food keeps you full and it never goes bad
People don’t talk about what they don’t have
Or mow people down with tour busses in France
Or shoot people up when they’re just trying to dance

“Dear grandson, grab your heart, and prepare.
Your mother is just over there.
She is singing this song as she braids her black hair,
Free from death and destruction, decay and despair,
She’s peaceful and lovely and breathing new air.”